If Only I Was a Cool Kid...

I remember the smell like it was yesterday. The smell of crayons, scissors, glue. The smell of new school supplies. The smell of school. To me it was the worst smell in the world and it still to this day, makes my stomach instantaneously turn. I hated school and not because I wasn't the best math student in the world. I was born wanting to fit in. Be normal. Be social. But instead I was born insecure, short, shy and went through the "uglys" with the worst of them. Don't believe me? Well, believe me. I'm not one for lying. This brings me to the lack of blogging I have done. My last blog was referred to as "cryptic" by a good friend and for good reason. I was pondering life, as I often do, and wasn't sure how to express the big life changes that are inevitable. Not bad changes, but for the most part I'm a pretty predictable person. So, finding out that we're moving across the state by summer and having my 30th birthday breathing down my back left me to ponder my life a bit. And with my life comes my photography. I can't help it... although it doesn't define me, it is part of my definition and how I present my website and my branding screams who I am. My intention was to not blog until the new website was up. Start from scratch. Delete all my posts and redirect you to my new shiny website. Oh the website. What website? Just the website that this dear patient friend/web designer has miraculously not murdered me over yet. It sits unfinished because every time I try to complete it, I am transferred back to grade school and all of the insecurities that go with it. Is it cool? Is it going to make people like me more or hate me? These questions keep me up all night... But then, I went to Chicago a few weeks back. I went to see Jasmine Star.

I thought I was going to be going to a photography conference about how to build a better business, better workflow and if I was lucky, some tips on branding. Was I ever wrong!

Instead, we were all bonded over the topic of struggle. Yes, we struggle. Every artist struggles and on a weekly basis (if not daily basis) we ask ourselves if this is worth it. There is literal blood, sweat and tears (oh so many tears!) that go into this industry. This got me thinking. Thinking that no matter what people think of my website, it is me. And then, in one of those moments that you hear something that couldn't possibly come from your simple mind, this came to me... "Your clients are a gift from God and if they're meant to be your clients, then God will get them to you regardless of how your website looks.". Wow. Thanks God!